Founder Fundamentals 6/10 – Don't run Tabs
Every day, we encounter behaviour we don't like. In most of life, the calculus is simple: Is pushing back worth the effort? Often, unless it‘s a real and acute nuisance, the answer is no. We just move on.
In a leadership context, the same instinct kicks in, but the calculus must be different. For two reasons – both worth understanding:
I. The calculus of a leader must be different because inaction has a negative compounding effect in relationships.
Someone brushes off a direct report in a meeting or masks a failure with "we've learned so much." A small commitment quietly disappears. It starts with little behavioural slips like that. You notice it but say nothing – because now isn't the right moment, because it would be distracting, because you don't want to make it a big deal, because you're not even sure you're right. Same person, different day, something else happens. Again, you say nothing, because… again, it’s really just a small occurrence, your focus is elsewhere, or you have to rush off to your next meeting. But internally, you don’t just move on. You start running a tab of unaddressed issues that bother you.
This tab makes your observations and your judgment non-objective. Because now, you have an opinion that wants to be confirmed. Essentially, the tab is self-reinforcing. And by the time you do give feedback, you're not only reacting to an incident or situation at hand. You're collecting payment for the tab. And that changes your tone, your clarity, your fairness. The person on the other end can feel it. What should have been a short, clean conversation becomes loaded. You waste a feedback opportunity at best, you damage a relationship at worst. Because chances are, the other person does not feel fairly treated. And also opens up a tab that biases their view of you.
Here’s a mindset that has served me well: do not let your people do things that make you resent them.
When you notice something, stop. Name what you've seen. Address it soon – during the day, the next day at the latest. Not as a reprimand. As a short, direct conversation: "Hey, here's what I noticed. That's not how I think this should be handled. Here's why. Can we agree on that?" Because this feedback is fair, specific and direct, it’s easy to accept and act upon. This is the kind of feedback that improves a relationship.
II. The calculus of a leader must also be different because the underlying question isn't: how much does this bother me? It's: how much does this cost us? Because every time you let something slide, you send a signal: this is acceptable here.
Culture is built in these moments. Like a radio signal, what makes culture strong isn't volume – it's clarity. The less noise, the better the transmission reaches people and shapes how they act. Every time you let something slide, you add noise. Every time you act inconsistently — saying one thing, tolerating another — you lose signal.
You send the strongest signal in your company. Particularly early on, when everyone can see you and everything you do is watched. Which means your inaction is never just personal, but always also organisational.
The good news: the same mechanism that compounds debt also compounds trust. Every time you address something early — directly, fairly, without drama — you send a signal too. This matters to us. We tell each other what we see. That doesn't hurt. It makes us better.
Do that consistently, and you won't just avoid resentment. You'll build something that outlasts any single conversation — a culture where people know what good looks like, without being told.
That's the return on not running tabs.